Trust, Faith, and Sleepless Nights

Is life just one big dichotomy?  Something is great – but it’s not at the same time.  You trust someone – but part of you doesn’t.  You know you are capable – but you second guess yourself.  You prepare yourself for something – only to find out it’s completely different than what you prepared for.  For me, no one warned me how difficult starting a business from scratch was, but then again it’s like marriage – can you ever be really prepared for what is to come?Sleepless Night

I’d like to think I am a person with a strong faith and I whole-heartedly trust God with my future.  However that has not stopped me from tossing and turning many nights agonizing over how to make this business get off the ground and stay afloat.  I’ve chosen the slow and steady route but I have to to say that it was never mentioned that “slow and steady” was also along a constant “fiscal cliff”!  That cliff gets higher and higher the further we go (can I get an amen?).

As scary as this has been it has also been exhilarating.  I still stand in the middle of my store with two conflicting emotions:  1)  Awe at how beautiful it is and I’m still pinching myself that it is real and,  2)  O – M – G,   W – T – H  am I doing and how am I going to pay the bills?!?!?!  (Just being real).

As much as I don’t like the tossing and turning, fretting, emotional roller coasters, days of no sales, days of more returns than sales (you get the point) – I am very grateful that I at least have the opportunity to fail (and succeed)!  WHAT?!  Yes, you heard me right.  The biggest lesson I am learning right now is that success comes from failure.  I will never achieve “success” until I fail ( a few times in my case).  I don’t like to fail at something.  It hurts my pride. There is no way I want to admit to family & friends (and certainly to ex’s) that I am not a smashing success (yet).

This week I realized that I was far more concerned about being successful in the eyes of others than I was in doing the best I could do and enjoying the ride.

My trust and faith were being over-ridden by my anxiety over the response of others if I wasn’t able to pay a bill, had to cancel an order, or show a certain amount of revenue.  That is a big revelation for me.  My focus was in the wrong place.  Bottom line: anxiety comes from our focus being on things we can not control.  What I can control today is doing the best I can to make wise decisions and enjoying every moment.  THAT, my friends, is a huge step toward success – and it certainly eliminates the sleepless nights!

Have you visited my store online yet?   www.RockyMountainCowgirl.com


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