One can learn so much from observation. But you can’t talk and observe at the same time… at least effectively. We have to sit back and quietly pay attention to dialogues, diatribes, actions, reactions, etc.

In my observations, it occurred to me that we are all looking for something, all the time; but we rarely find “it” – namely something other than what we are already experiencing. Possibly because we don’t know what we are looking for and we are unwilling to “see” that which we say we are looking for. Let me explain…

What is it that people are looking for in life or business?

  • the justification for how we feel
  • a way to contribute to society
  • feel important/needed
  • success (defined differently for each person)
  • the next big break in our business
  • justice for a wrong
  • a feeling of satisfaction
  • happiness
  • a better job or more clients
  • recognition
  • mastery of a skill
  • joy in relationships
  • peace
  • health
  • prosperity

…to name a few things.

However, many of us spend much of our lives frustrated that we can not seem to find what we think we are running after. It’s always just out of reach.


(Who’s singing the U2 song right now in their head? ME! Ok…back to the post…)

Recently I wrote a post titled, Food Fight, and I shared how I spent eight years looking for better health but instead found the opposite. From the outside, I was doing everything right. I read books, met with great practitioners, shopped the best foods, etc. Yet, I was stumped as to why I could not find what I thought I was looking for…that being weight loss and overall health.

The same thing happened in a previous business. I hired top coaches, read articles, took courses, studied, paid lots of money for conferences, acquired skills, networked – yet I did not see the results I wanted. Numerous folks who knew about my situation all said the same thing, “You are doing everything right!”

You’d think that such a statement would be encouraging. On one hand, I would think, “Yep. I’m working extra hard to make sure I do everything right.” On the other hand, I would think, “Then why am I not seeing the results I’m working so hard for?!”


looking for


I seem to be experiencing a convergence of sorts in my life. Years of learning how to learn, listening to thousands of hours of teachings, reading dozens of books, and observing instead of talking prepared me for a slight shift in my thinking that is seeping into all areas of my life.

You see, that little lesson in how I thought about my health has resulted in understanding the importance and power of our thoughts. Health is what I thought I was looking for, but my words and my thoughts focused on something else.

It wasn’t my actions that prevented me from finding and reaching my goals…it was my thoughts.

I usually expect to have a great day. But some days I get out of bed from a sleepless night or something bothers me. If I don’t brush it off immediately, I will find myself having a “terrible, no good, very bad day”.

For example, last night my dog kept me up a lot (for the 3rd night in a row). I woke up tired and frustrated. That poured into something else. Then I had to leave the house to pick up my son. As I was leaving, my thoughts were so consumed with my frustration that I walked out of my house, locked the door behind me – and realized too late my keys were still inside the house. Ugh! I wasn’t looking to get locked out of my house, but my own thoughts of frustration led to MORE frustration.

I plopped down on the stairs outside my door and knew I had a choice. In the past, I would have started a downward spiral that impacted my entire day; being angry at and about everything. However, I’m looking for something different in my life than what has happened in the past. I quickly realized it was time to dump my “stinking thinking” before it went further and make a shift. So I did.


Folks say they are striving for something, yet it is evident that their words – and indeed their thoughts – are the opposite.

  • They want health, but their conversations are full of sickness.
  • We want a better financial future but only talk about our lack.
  • Some want better-paying jobs yet talk smack about current ones.

Political articles and commentaries are the most obvious examples of finding what you are looking for: some of them have conclusions that are so ridiculous it’s laughable. Facts in front of them do not support what they want, so they find anything, no matter how outrageous, to support what they are looking for. If you want to find something bad enough, your mind will lead you there.

WE ALL DO IT! Sometimes blatantly, other times subconsciously.

EX: In my past business, I never achieved the success/goals I longed for. Now I realize I thought I deserved failure (subconscious). I couldn’t see past the daily struggles. My actions wanted success, but my words and thoughts only saw failure. Subconsciously, I was believing for failure – and I found it.

EX: With my effort to lose weight, my thoughts centered on what I couldn’t do and where I was at the moment (conscious). My mind was captivated with what I couldn’t eat and how much I didn’t like my body. My life continued on the course of my focus!


Determining what we are subconsciously looking for is critical to any business or personal life. How do you know what you are looking for? Look at what you have found:

  • If you are in debt, you are looking for debt. Stop making debt an option in your business or personal life.
  • Do you have a deep hatred for someone or something? You will only find and hear things to support your beliefs. Thereby rendering you blind to other possibilities.
  • Is success alluding you? Then you are subconsciously looking for failure. Root it out.

Our nature is to focus on the here and now. But to successfully reach our goals, grow our business, and improve our relationships we have to see beyond the here and now and look at the end result we want to reach. (Read Post:  Seeing Beyond)

If we are not finding what we think we’re looking for, then there is something not lining up in our words, thoughts, or subconscious beliefs.


Here’s the truth that I have observed: WE ALL FIND WHAT WE ARE LOOKING FOR.

When we don’t like our results, instead of trying harder, it usually means we need to CHANGE WHAT WE ARE LOOKING FOR.

  • We find/attract what we think, speak, and believe. Always.
  • When there is a disconnect in our words, thoughts, and deeply held beliefs, there is conflict in us and we will not attract what we think we desire.
  • Words, thoughts, and beliefs are a reflection of our body, soul, & spirit. These must be in alignment/agreement so that we can accomplish our goals/purpose. Otherwise, your spirit (subconscious) will look for the chaos and conflict it feels inside. (“A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.”  – Book of James, Holy Bible)

If you are not happy with what has been happening in your business or personal life, look at it as an opportunity to OBSERVE. When you see the results of your life and business, you can trace it back to what you believe about yourself, how you think, and how you speak. Then, make the adjustments, sometimes ever so slight, to change what you are looking for!